I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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