I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize