Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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