I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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