My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
