ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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