This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
