The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
where does the pee come out of this thing
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
