Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
