is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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