Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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