Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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