Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm like, not good at living.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
