you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
