Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
