my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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