how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
