I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
