I wish i was in the wii world.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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