That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
