you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
