Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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