i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
