I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Randomize
