So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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