Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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