The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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