eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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