wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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