I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
