You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
