I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
