hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
