Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
