guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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