i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
