I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
