ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
