you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
