yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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