Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
