Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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