I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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