I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
