If that was your dad, he is hot
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
