Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
