thus making me awesome and them whores
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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