I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
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who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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