I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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