I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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