So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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