this beer tastes like vomit already
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
