i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
