Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
