On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
