I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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