I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
