I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
