so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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