I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
